Dr Robbie P (dr_robbie_p) wrote in royal_society,
Dr Robbie P
dr_robbie_p
royal_society

A Journal -

SAH's! And Gentlemen. Quite obviously, the rumours of my demise at the hands (Or should I say Arse?) of a Siamese Elephant, have been greatly exaggerated! Master Jazzyjay did in fact deduct correctly, the Chinee Lady, which I have given all of the Gentlemen Members ample warning of, did in fact have her wires crossed! It is true that I was attacked by a Pack of Pachyderms, however as the good Doctor Hawkeye did point out, Gentleman, a man of my stature and bearing could not be brought down by a mere stampede of elephants.

As the Right Honourable Mr The Christian pointed out, my Cornish Disposition did allow me to forebear the pain of being trampled by the beasts and having seen upon the monsters backs, the tiny sub-humans of the Siam region, I did make the assumption that Myself, and Her Majesty's Expeditionary force, had been ambushed! I checked to see if any of my men had survived the attack and found only young Tom Bickerstaff, a lad of 16 years still breathing but unconscious. His leg had been crushed during the charge of the Elephant Brigade and a spear had pierced his belly. He was as good as dead. However, I put him about my shoulders, as if he were a ladies mink wrap and walked back to the last village we had passed.

3 days later, I arrived in the village to be greeted by the tribal inhabitants with fear and confusion! The Elephant Attackers had apperantly come that way and had taken the children of the village and killed the head man for helping out we of Her Majesties Expedition. I put down my burden, Tom, and realised that he had expired on the journey.

The Village women came to take him away, possibly to their pots for that nights meal, but I ordered them to stop. At my words they slinked back to their huts and I knelt over Tom. The spear that had pierced his belly was still protruding from his torso, I knelt and pulled it free. The shaft was wrapped in colourful silk ribbons, and I presented it to one of the villagers.

"What do these ribbons mean?" I asked. The man seemed not to comprehend so I asked again, but this time slower and louder. "WHAT. DO. THESE. RIBBONS. MEAN?" Still no comprehension. I surmised that these Sub-Humans had little or no intelligence, and were in fact more closely related to the monkeys of the forest than to we more civilized humans.

Then, one of the Villagers stepped forward and started to speak in their Gibbering language. He pointed to the spear, then pointed along a track leading south. He started to mimick some kind of large shambling animal which I took to be a bear. I yelled at him to stop making a fool of him self and he stopped, shook his head then proceeded to make swaying motions with his arm ptressed against his nose. I threw my arms up in the air at this nonsense and turned to leave, but the villager took hold of my person and frog marched me down the southern path for a few seconds before I came out of my shock, and saw what I had not noticed before.

"Stop you buffoon!" I cried, and brushed him off me. I knelt down on the path, and in the muddy track I could see large footprints, obviously from a very large, very heavy, four legged nature. Here you fool, this is what I'm looking for! The Tracks of the Elephants!" And with that I strode straightaway down tyhe track, heading south! I turned to my erstwhile companion who was standing, shaking his head. "Are you coming?" I asked. He shook his head once more then followed after me.

To be concluded...
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Oh dear.

I thought they were large tumblers sporting an odd garnish!
Ahhh. Did you, perchance, eat the garnish, me lord. Not to worry, there are plenty more where they came from, what!
Well, nibbled on, but it was hard to get a good purchase with all the feathers, bangles and other oddments hanging off them - I mean they were tasty enough, though rather like chicken to my mind. I'm sure there's still one whole one for our observations!
Did you get some good sketches of Tom's wound and the spear that caused it? We could use those.
No need for sketches, Sir, I had Tom's body stuffed, wrapped and boxed, then returned to good ole Blighty via HMS Rose, me lord! He is now resting in the sitting room of Dr Hawkeye's Town House. The spear, I have with me here, sir. I thought you would like to add it to the collection of foreign objects that the Royal Society does so like to collect.
Ah hah! That explains the reticence of my guest to engage in any form of conversation - and here I thought that my recent alterations under the loving scalpels and chisels of Messrs Nic and Jazzyjay had in some part removed my ability to bond with my fellow man. Good oh!

And I'll stop having the guest wing re-panelled to house the poor fellow.
Ah! Dr Hawkeye! I did not mean to cause you any confusion, I do apologise profusely, I did but think that you being the Master of Autopsies for St Ingrids hospital of the infirmed, that you would be the best choice of destination for poor Tom. Besides, Dr Hawkeye, I am quite sure that Poor Tom woulod not have interrupted your verbal assault and so was quite the greatest listener you have ever had the chance to preach at!
Don't worry, rest assured that now I know he's gone to the great beyond, he shall be rent asunder faster than you can say 'Gore covered cavalier'!